Why the pretty face?

Have you ever noticed that if a guy thinks a skinny girl is hot, pretty, beautiful etc. he simply says to her "Man your hot" or "You are really pretty" and so forth? Well, if you have ever struggled with the chub you probably know that if a guy tells you that you are pretty it usually goes like this... "You have a really pretty face". Why is that? I can tell you why, men have this ego problem you see and though they may appreciate your beauty they can not admit to themselves that size isn't everything!!!!

My last upset/post was about my pictures from my bellydance trip to Vegas! How did that trigger a post on "pretty faces"? You guessed it, once again I was told by some random stranger that I had a "pretty face" Instead of thanking him I proceeded to do a fake kick to his groin and said "So what you think I'm fat" I then stomped my foot and marched off. Immature....yes, am I a little sensitive about my weight yes. I know he really was giving me a sincere compliment but why can't we just be pretty without being reminded we are not a size starve yourself ?

A few weeks ago we went on a family camping trip to Island Park, it is in Idaho and it is a beautiful place if you have never been. Anyways, we finally arrived after a 4 hour drive with a two year old and I can't tell you how excited I was to get out of the truck. So, I hop out and while Lance is getting the trailer all set up I went to chat with some family members (which included my aunt, my grandma and my other aunt who has Down syndrome). No kidding to seconds after I walk up my aunt ( the one with Downs) says "Stephanie still has all of her baby fat" keep in mind Ryker will be 3 next month! I tried to stay calm, considering she can't always help what she says, however honest it may be. My Grandmother tried to help me feel better by saying " It don't matter you have such a good personality and such a pretty face who cares what size you are". Geez thanks Grandma "pretty face" and "a good personality"! You gotta love family. I just went off in search of a labtop I had a strong urge for some blogging!

So my next goal is to not "lose weight" but rather to work out every day. I know I can it is all about making it a habit. So wish me luck, so far I have been squeezing in workouts at least twice a week and taking a dance class once a week. From now on it needs to be 6 days a week, I wont be dancing this year which sucks, it is a work out I actually enjoy.
Today was my first day of my new commitment and I even set my alarm and had exercised before the kids woke up. If I keep doing that there will be NO excuses, they tend to be my biggest interference when it comes to working out.
Hopefully by the next time I get around to blogging I will have stuck to my goal.

P.S.

By the way, we took first in our competition.:) That is a plus, even fat girls can be winners sometimes.......Yea!!!!!:)

I will post later about the whole pretty face experience! A compliment that is only given to fat girls (I know some of you know exactly what I am talking about).

Depressing End to a Depressing Day!

Wow! All I can say is Wow!!!!!!!!!!!

We recently traveled to Las Vegas for a Belly dance competition, and again Wow!!! One of the girls just posted at least 90 (for reals 90) pictures of how fat I am!!!!!!! I seriously was in tears!!

I felt insecure the whole time I was there but seeing the pictures, I obviously was not insecure enough!!!!! Holy cow, I can not express the emotions that ran through my head as I flashed all those photos. Sick.

What I don't get is... how is that not enough to make me starve myself? Freak, I hate to be a "poor me" person but I am gonna be right now!!! I have honestly worked hard this whole summer for this trip and you would think by lookin at these pic's that the thought of losing weight has not crossed my mind for at least three years. Again, sick! Why work and stress so much for that kind of a reward.?!

I tell ya I am going back to drinking coke!:) Anything to help me cope!!!!! Gag, I make myself sick.

Props to my hubby who acts like he still luvs me as much as ever!!!!!!

Stop And Smell The Roses.

It is funny how death makes you put things in perspective. My grandma passed away two days ago and it was kind of unexpected. It just reminds me that I should spend more time loving all of the great people I have in my life. I tend to get caught up in trivial things like weight and being frustrated because I can't keep a clean house or keep up with laundry. Losing someone close just tends to snap me back to reality. The time I waste stressing keeps me from enjoying!

I came across this poem last night and loved it! I spend so much of my day trying to get stuff done that sometimes I miss out on quality time with my kids. There will be a day when I will be able to keep up on housework but right now it will just have to get done when it gets done! I don't want my kids to remember me for my clean house I would rather they have fonder memories than that when I am gone.

Today I left some dishes dirty

the bed got made around 3:30.

The diapers soaked a little longer,

the odor grew a little stronger.

The crumbs I spilled the day before

are staring at me from the floor.
The fingerprints there on the wall

will likely be there still next fall.

The dirty streaks on those window panes

will still be there next time it rains.

Shame on you, you sit and say,

just what did you do today?

I held a baby till she slept,

I held a toddler while he wept.

I played a game of hide and seek,

I squeezed a toy and made it squeak.

I pulled a wagon, sang a song,

taught a child right from wrong.

What did I do this whole day through?

Not much that shows, I guess that's true.

Unless you think that what I've done,

might be important to someone

with deep blue eyes and soft blond hair.

If that is true.... I've done my share.

Too Fat To Chase The Wagon!

Well...... I went camping this weekend and let's just say I did not come home the skinny bitch I anticipated!!!! I previously posted/bragged about my six pound weight loss, well let's just make that a weight gain!!!! Yep that is me, Queen Gain Weight! I managed in three days to gain back all of the weight I had lost. I did follow the diet pretty well....but I let myself partake of a few things not on the "approved list". I did not expect to lose weight while I was gone but to gain that much? Seriously that sums up my life.... Pro/Expert at rapid weight gain!! That will get me far!!!

Really I sound like a big boohoo whaa baby, I know, but come on!!! How does one not feel picked on? The ability to gain weight at super human rates was not my super hero goal! I just don't understand! Even with cheating I still took in way less calories than normal. My next step is finding a rich sugar daddy that will pay for numerous surgeries! I give up!

I wonder what lesson god is trying to teach fat girls? Seems to me there are many other trials that I could have besides going through life in a fat suit! I am pretty sure if he created us... I mean me, he would be pretty embarrassed!!!!!!!! I know it's not as bad as I am making it out to be but a girls gotta vent!

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

4 lbs down 40 more to go!

Well I am 6 days into the HCG diet and have lost four lbs. Keep in mind that the first to days you have to gorge yourself and take in as much fat as possible. I have not starved myself to death yet, but I do get hungry! I will even admit that at times I have even been mad at myself for attempting the dumb diet, fat food just calls my name! I have tried to stay strong and I have only cheated here and there, well maybe a little bit more than that. I do have to give myself some credit though, 4lbs in 6 days is more than I have managed to lose in the last 4 years all together. Go HCG! My hope at the end of this is that I will be skinnier and have gained the willpower that I have always lacked. If I can do this I should be able to stick to a diet that doesn't require stabbing yourself with a needle every day(which I can almost do without hesitating 20 times)!

So to all you dieters out there, I have successfully maintained this diet for 6 days. In the past 2 days has been the most I have been able to stick to. If I can do 6 days than anyone can!

Cheers to the next six days!

How about a little Dodgeball for motivation?

Normally I would not post twice in one day but..... I have a story that can not wait! Tonight we were watching the movie Dodge ball, I hope most of you have seen it. It was at the end of the show, ya know the part when Ben Stiller is a big ole fatty!!!!!!? Well if you have not seen it I will paint the picture for you... he is in a robe stuffing his face and he is at least a few hundred pounds... At least!!!! Anyhoo, my two year old caught a glimpse of him and said, and I quote..."Is that you mom?" Wow! If that isn't motivation to drop a few thousand pounds what is? And so my friends the saga continues!! To lose weight or not to lose weight, that is the question. I personally am hoping for the to lose weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The word Die..... with a T

Have you ever noticed the the word diet is really just the word Die with a T on the end? Why even add the T? Really the minute I start a diet it makes me want to die (I admit it, I LOVE to eat). I have this handy little dictionary sitting next to me and decided to look up the two words. Go figure, under diet it states.... to reduce the intake of food then under die it says...... to lose strength, to fade away. HELLOOOOOOOO!!????
The very second I tell myself I am on a diet I start craving things I normally never even want. All of the sudden I want cookies and candy when usually the fat food I reach for is potato chips. You wonder why so many of us fail on our "diets". Like I said why even add the T? Maybe we should change the word to Dieat? Sounds ridiculous but I bet none of us would ever fall off of that wagon!:)


So now that I am over that random thought I'll update you on my status with the hcg diet! I am starting it over today! No really I did start it a few days ago and was not doing to horribly bad. I lost a pound a day for the first two days! On the third day I went to Applebee's and ordered some wings. You can probably figure out that I didn't lose a pound that day. I suck, I will be the first to admit it. You would think looking at my jiggly fat every day in the mirror would keep me away from the wings but hey, it was protein!
The real reason I am starting over is because I was doing the diet with hcg drops but I now have acquired the shots which I feel will be more potent. The first two days you are supposed to gorge yourself with fattening food so I will go to Applebee's for lunch and get it out of my system! Wish me luck!!!

Today is the day... Maybe.

So I am supposed to be starting that new HCG diet today. This time I am determined to stick with it!!! The diet requires that you consume only 500 calories a day along with the hcg injections or the oral drops. I have seen sooo many people do so well with this diet! Like I said I am bound and determined to stick to it. Who can't handle 30 days of dieting? The answer my friends is ME!
The first half of the day went OK, I was hungry but "they say" for the first 2 days that is normal. I then realized that I am going to dinner and a concert with the girls tonight. How can I start a diet when I am going out tonight? Unless we can find a restaurant that will serve me completely organic food cooked with absolutely no oils, fats or sugars than it is not possible. So of course I concede to start full force tomorrow!!! How pathetic I am!

How do you suppose one succeeds on a diet when they can't even get them started? I wish I could just buy my willpower from a store. Anyone know of a place that sells it?

Guess I'll Go Eat Worms!

Today my day started off with getting lab work done (I am sure the problems I have been having are because of my weight). Honestly it did not go too bad considering I was lugging a hyperactive two year old with me. However, I did get out of my car in the parking lot and happened to notice an old lady pulling in. I was watching her drive and thinking man I hope I am that with it when I am her age! I so don't want to get old and be afraid to drive! I also know I do NOT want to be the old BLUE HAIR lady driving 3 mph.!!!! To make a long story short......I had all of these thoughts running through my head only to hear a loud crunch! That same old lady had tried to pull into a parking stall and totally munched the car next to her. So much for my positive thinking/hoping!:)

I then had to go teach my nieces and nephews whole 5th grade class the hula. Go figure all I was worried about was if they thought I was fat or not! I tried on a million outfits before saying screw it!!! It would be so nice to leave the house without thinking of how fat I was! Seriously am I the only one out there who is even insecure around children? It is a horrible feeling. I love to dance and taught little kids for years, I never felt this way back then. It is amazing what a spare tire around your waist can do for your self esteem.

Next came dance class.... that was a mistake! I have been taking Belly Dance lessons for 4-5 years now but tonight I wished I had never started!!!!!!!! It was great fun, my teacher stopped us in almost every dance to point out my mistakes. Don't get me wrong I am all about constructive criticism but come on already!!!! I can not be the worst dancer in this class. I realize she is trying to help me become a better dancer, but being humiliated over and over was getting old and the more flustered I got... the worse I danced.... therefore, the more I got called out. I kept getting the "You are good, just not good enough statement". I have heard that my whole life and I have let myself believe it. So hearing it for an hour straight was triggering all sorts of stuffed emotions. Just typing it out is making me want to go to McDonalds for some comforting fat food. The cycle begins!

So here we are at the end of my day. It sucked, I am glad it is over and I made it through without XL cokes and french fries. It's a step in the right direction....right?!?

Why the title?

I am a mother of two wonderful children, one 9 and the other 2 and a half. It seems to be a pattern as I look back at the pictures of their 2nd birthdays. I remember seeing myself in the pictures with my first child and actually realizing how big I was. It was all it took for me to jump on the exercise bandwagon. With my second child I knew I had even more work to do (I am even bigger this time) but somehow when you see yourself in a picture it still manages to shock you!
So..... do they really make me fat? The answer of course is no. Does it take two years for my fat butt to realize I need to lose weight? No. It does however take me two years to hit my breaking point, I become overwhelmed with life, marriage, housework and motherhood. I see myself in those pictures and don't recognize the person staring back at me. I start to feel as though I have lost myself in that title of motherhood.
Don't get me wrong I love being a mom and I love my children but I won't say it is easy. I know I am not the only one out there who feels stuck in a rut and is having trouble with their weight. This blog is my venting spot and I hope it can be a spot where all of us chubby moms can laugh and cry together.