Guess I'll Go Eat Worms!

Today my day started off with getting lab work done (I am sure the problems I have been having are because of my weight). Honestly it did not go too bad considering I was lugging a hyperactive two year old with me. However, I did get out of my car in the parking lot and happened to notice an old lady pulling in. I was watching her drive and thinking man I hope I am that with it when I am her age! I so don't want to get old and be afraid to drive! I also know I do NOT want to be the old BLUE HAIR lady driving 3 mph.!!!! To make a long story short......I had all of these thoughts running through my head only to hear a loud crunch! That same old lady had tried to pull into a parking stall and totally munched the car next to her. So much for my positive thinking/hoping!:)

I then had to go teach my nieces and nephews whole 5th grade class the hula. Go figure all I was worried about was if they thought I was fat or not! I tried on a million outfits before saying screw it!!! It would be so nice to leave the house without thinking of how fat I was! Seriously am I the only one out there who is even insecure around children? It is a horrible feeling. I love to dance and taught little kids for years, I never felt this way back then. It is amazing what a spare tire around your waist can do for your self esteem.

Next came dance class.... that was a mistake! I have been taking Belly Dance lessons for 4-5 years now but tonight I wished I had never started!!!!!!!! It was great fun, my teacher stopped us in almost every dance to point out my mistakes. Don't get me wrong I am all about constructive criticism but come on already!!!! I can not be the worst dancer in this class. I realize she is trying to help me become a better dancer, but being humiliated over and over was getting old and the more flustered I got... the worse I danced.... therefore, the more I got called out. I kept getting the "You are good, just not good enough statement". I have heard that my whole life and I have let myself believe it. So hearing it for an hour straight was triggering all sorts of stuffed emotions. Just typing it out is making me want to go to McDonalds for some comforting fat food. The cycle begins!

So here we are at the end of my day. It sucked, I am glad it is over and I made it through without XL cokes and french fries. It's a step in the right direction....right?!?