How about a little Dodgeball for motivation?

Normally I would not post twice in one day but..... I have a story that can not wait! Tonight we were watching the movie Dodge ball, I hope most of you have seen it. It was at the end of the show, ya know the part when Ben Stiller is a big ole fatty!!!!!!? Well if you have not seen it I will paint the picture for you... he is in a robe stuffing his face and he is at least a few hundred pounds... At least!!!! Anyhoo, my two year old caught a glimpse of him and said, and I quote..."Is that you mom?" Wow! If that isn't motivation to drop a few thousand pounds what is? And so my friends the saga continues!! To lose weight or not to lose weight, that is the question. I personally am hoping for the to lose weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The word Die..... with a T

Have you ever noticed the the word diet is really just the word Die with a T on the end? Why even add the T? Really the minute I start a diet it makes me want to die (I admit it, I LOVE to eat). I have this handy little dictionary sitting next to me and decided to look up the two words. Go figure, under diet it states.... to reduce the intake of food then under die it says...... to lose strength, to fade away. HELLOOOOOOOO!!????
The very second I tell myself I am on a diet I start craving things I normally never even want. All of the sudden I want cookies and candy when usually the fat food I reach for is potato chips. You wonder why so many of us fail on our "diets". Like I said why even add the T? Maybe we should change the word to Dieat? Sounds ridiculous but I bet none of us would ever fall off of that wagon!:)


So now that I am over that random thought I'll update you on my status with the hcg diet! I am starting it over today! No really I did start it a few days ago and was not doing to horribly bad. I lost a pound a day for the first two days! On the third day I went to Applebee's and ordered some wings. You can probably figure out that I didn't lose a pound that day. I suck, I will be the first to admit it. You would think looking at my jiggly fat every day in the mirror would keep me away from the wings but hey, it was protein!
The real reason I am starting over is because I was doing the diet with hcg drops but I now have acquired the shots which I feel will be more potent. The first two days you are supposed to gorge yourself with fattening food so I will go to Applebee's for lunch and get it out of my system! Wish me luck!!!

Today is the day... Maybe.

So I am supposed to be starting that new HCG diet today. This time I am determined to stick with it!!! The diet requires that you consume only 500 calories a day along with the hcg injections or the oral drops. I have seen sooo many people do so well with this diet! Like I said I am bound and determined to stick to it. Who can't handle 30 days of dieting? The answer my friends is ME!
The first half of the day went OK, I was hungry but "they say" for the first 2 days that is normal. I then realized that I am going to dinner and a concert with the girls tonight. How can I start a diet when I am going out tonight? Unless we can find a restaurant that will serve me completely organic food cooked with absolutely no oils, fats or sugars than it is not possible. So of course I concede to start full force tomorrow!!! How pathetic I am!

How do you suppose one succeeds on a diet when they can't even get them started? I wish I could just buy my willpower from a store. Anyone know of a place that sells it?

Guess I'll Go Eat Worms!

Today my day started off with getting lab work done (I am sure the problems I have been having are because of my weight). Honestly it did not go too bad considering I was lugging a hyperactive two year old with me. However, I did get out of my car in the parking lot and happened to notice an old lady pulling in. I was watching her drive and thinking man I hope I am that with it when I am her age! I so don't want to get old and be afraid to drive! I also know I do NOT want to be the old BLUE HAIR lady driving 3 mph.!!!! To make a long story short......I had all of these thoughts running through my head only to hear a loud crunch! That same old lady had tried to pull into a parking stall and totally munched the car next to her. So much for my positive thinking/hoping!:)

I then had to go teach my nieces and nephews whole 5th grade class the hula. Go figure all I was worried about was if they thought I was fat or not! I tried on a million outfits before saying screw it!!! It would be so nice to leave the house without thinking of how fat I was! Seriously am I the only one out there who is even insecure around children? It is a horrible feeling. I love to dance and taught little kids for years, I never felt this way back then. It is amazing what a spare tire around your waist can do for your self esteem.

Next came dance class.... that was a mistake! I have been taking Belly Dance lessons for 4-5 years now but tonight I wished I had never started!!!!!!!! It was great fun, my teacher stopped us in almost every dance to point out my mistakes. Don't get me wrong I am all about constructive criticism but come on already!!!! I can not be the worst dancer in this class. I realize she is trying to help me become a better dancer, but being humiliated over and over was getting old and the more flustered I got... the worse I danced.... therefore, the more I got called out. I kept getting the "You are good, just not good enough statement". I have heard that my whole life and I have let myself believe it. So hearing it for an hour straight was triggering all sorts of stuffed emotions. Just typing it out is making me want to go to McDonalds for some comforting fat food. The cycle begins!

So here we are at the end of my day. It sucked, I am glad it is over and I made it through without XL cokes and french fries. It's a step in the right direction....right?!?

Why the title?

I am a mother of two wonderful children, one 9 and the other 2 and a half. It seems to be a pattern as I look back at the pictures of their 2nd birthdays. I remember seeing myself in the pictures with my first child and actually realizing how big I was. It was all it took for me to jump on the exercise bandwagon. With my second child I knew I had even more work to do (I am even bigger this time) but somehow when you see yourself in a picture it still manages to shock you!
So..... do they really make me fat? The answer of course is no. Does it take two years for my fat butt to realize I need to lose weight? No. It does however take me two years to hit my breaking point, I become overwhelmed with life, marriage, housework and motherhood. I see myself in those pictures and don't recognize the person staring back at me. I start to feel as though I have lost myself in that title of motherhood.
Don't get me wrong I love being a mom and I love my children but I won't say it is easy. I know I am not the only one out there who feels stuck in a rut and is having trouble with their weight. This blog is my venting spot and I hope it can be a spot where all of us chubby moms can laugh and cry together.